What Couples Therapy Looks Like at Roots & Branches Therapy

Many couples contact us after months, years, or sometimes decades of trying to solve the same problems on their own.

Maybe you're having the same argument over and over again.

Maybe communication has broken down.

Maybe you've experienced a betrayal, a major life transition, parenting challenges, intimacy concerns, or simply a growing sense that you and your partner have become disconnected.

One of the most common questions we hear is:

"What actually happens in couples therapy?"

The answer is both simple and complex.

Couples therapy is not about deciding who is right and who is wrong.

It is not about finding someone to referee your arguments.

It is about understanding the relationship itself, the patterns that have developed between you, how those patterns came to exist, and how to create something different together.

Every Couple Is Different

Like all therapy at Roots & Branches, our couples therapists bring their own personalities, lived experiences, theoretical perspectives, and areas of expertise to the work.

What unites us is a commitment to evidence-based practice, ongoing consultation, and helping clients move toward a relationship that reflects their values and goals.

Because we work as a collaborative group practice, therapists have access to the support and wisdom of supervisors and peers. Every therapist brings their own lens to the room, but no one is working in isolation.

Why We Use the Gottman Method

At Roots & Branches, our couples work is grounded in the Gottman Method.

The Gottman Method was developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman and is informed by decades of research on thousands of couples.

What makes Gottman's work unique is that it wasn't based solely on theory. Researchers observed couples over many years, identifying patterns associated with relationship success and relationship distress.

The result is a practical framework that gives couples a shared language for understanding their relationship.

Instead of saying:

"We just keep fighting."

or

"We don't communicate."

we can identify specific strengths, challenges, and skills that can be practiced and strengthened over time.

The Assessment Process

Couples therapy begins with a thorough assessment.

Before the first session, each partner completes intake paperwork and assessment measures.

During the first session, we ask about the story of your relationship.

We want to understand how you met, what drew you together, the turning points in your relationship, the moments that strengthened your bond, the moments that challenged it, and the experiences that shaped the couple you are today.

In many ways, this session allows us to begin understanding the history of the relationship before attempting to change it.

The Gottman Assessment

Following the initial session, couples complete the Gottman Relationship Assessment.

This assessment takes approximately one hour and measures numerous aspects of relationship functioning through the Gottman framework.

It helps identify both strengths and areas requiring attention.

Rather than relying solely on subjective impressions, the assessment provides information that helps guide treatment and allows couples and therapists to begin speaking a common language about what is happening in the relationship.

Individual Sessions

Following the Gottman assessment, the therapist meets individually with each partner.

These sessions help us understand the person behind the relationship.

We explore:

• Family of origin experiences

• Relationship history

• Significant life events

• Attachment experiences

• Personal strengths and challenges

• Assessment responses

Every person enters a relationship carrying a lifetime of experiences.

Understanding those experiences helps us understand how each person shows up in the relationship today.

Situations Where Couples Therapy May Not Be Appropriate

There are situations where we may recommend a different approach prior to beginning couples work.

One example is the presence of significant active secrets that fundamentally affect the relationship, such as an ongoing affair, major undisclosed financial deception, or other information that would dramatically alter the relationship if revealed.

Couples therapy cannot effectively address relationship patterns when a foundational truth remains hidden.

We also do not move forward with couples therapy when there is ongoing violence within the relationship.

Couples therapy often involves discussing difficult, emotionally charged topics. While these conversations can ultimately lead to healing, they can temporarily increase emotional intensity.

When violence is present, safety must come first.

The Feedback and Treatment Planning Session

Once the assessment process is complete, we meet together again.

During this session, we review:

• Relationship strengths

• Areas of concern

• Gottman assessment findings

• Relationship goals

• Clinical recommendations

  
  

Together, we develop a roadmap for treatment.

Sometimes couples arrive with very different ideas about what needs to change. Part of this process involves creating enough shared understanding that meaningful work can begin.

The Art of Conflict

Many couples assume the goal of couples therapy is to eliminate conflict.

It isn't.

Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of intimate relationships.

One of Gottman's most important findings is that approximately 69% of relationship problems are perpetual rather than fully solvable.

In other words, many disagreements stem from enduring differences in personality, values, preferences, needs, or life experiences.

The goal is not to eliminate conflict.

The goal is learning how to navigate it.

One of the skills we emphasize frequently is empathy.

Empathy is one of the most effective antidotes to anger.

When people feel understood, their nervous systems often begin to settle.

This does not mean agreeing with your partner.

It means understanding their experience well enough to appreciate how they arrived at their perspective.

When empathy enters the room, defensiveness often softens.

Curiosity becomes possible.

Compromise becomes possible.

Connection becomes possible.

We also help couples understand what Gottman called "the dream within the conflict."

Beneath nearly every recurring argument is something meaningful:

A longing.

A fear.

A value.

An attachment need.

An important life story.

When couples learn to identify the deeper meaning beneath conflict, they often find themselves fighting less about positions and becoming more interested in understanding one another.

Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy

Everything we do at Roots & Branches is trauma-informed.

We don't approach the relationship through a lens of judgment, blame, or shame.

The therapists are not referees.

They are pattern recognizers.

Every behavior developed within the context of a life lived.

Every coping strategy solved some problem at some point.

Many couples discover that what appears to be a fight about dishes, texting, sex, parenting, or money is actually a much deeper attachment pattern.

One partner pursues.

Another withdraws.

One partner seeks reassurance.

Another seeks space.

These cycles are common.

And they are highly treatable.

Using tools from Gottman Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), DBT, attachment theory, and other evidence-based approaches, we help couples recognize these patterns and learn new ways of responding.

How Long Does Couples Therapy Last?

Some couples come for a focused period of several months.

Others remain in treatment for years.

There is no universal timeline.

The length of therapy depends entirely on the goals of the couple and the type of relationship they want to build.

A Note About Insurance

Many people are surprised to learn that insurance companies generally do not have a billing code for "couples therapy."

To utilize insurance, one partner must become the identified patient and receive a mental health diagnosis that creates the medical necessity for treatment.

From the insurance company's perspective, therapy is being provided to help the family system manage the impact of that individual's diagnosis.

As therapists, we recognize that relationships are far more complex than this framework suggests.

However, this is the structure under which insurance reimbursement occurs.

Couples should also be aware that if they later become involved in separation, divorce, or custody disputes, documentation may become relevant. Because insurance-based couples therapy involves one identified patient, both parties should carefully consider the implications before requesting treatment records for legal proceedings.